The Itsabelly Blog

Bringing Baby Home - How to Help Your Child Adjust to Life with a Newborn

I appear as a guest on our local AM Northwest TV program on channel 2 once a month and this morning I shared the information below.  You can also click on the link highlighted above to watch the video.

If you have a toddler at home and you are expecting your second child you're probably wondering how to help ease the transition into life with a newborn. Your toddler is used to having your undivided attention and now she has to share it with someone new.  This transition phase can be challenging for both parents if they are not prepared.  It's even harder on your toddler if you haven't spent quality time helping her understand how life will change.  I will note that you can never completely take away the change and stress your first child will feel with a new baby but you can definitely help ease her transition by making her feel more secure and loved.

Here are some tips to help your child and you adjust:

Before Baby is Born

• If your child is old enough take her to a sibling preparation class. This class is usually held at your local hospital or healthcare facility designed for children two years of age and older.  It helps siblings prepare for the emotional and physical realities of the arrival of a newborn. Activities can include arts and crafts, role-playing, and a mini-tour of the nursery and maternity unit to see where mom will be spending the night.
• Give her a baby doll to play with
• Expose her to other babies and let her see you interact with a baby
• Children's picture books can help your toddler visualize how life will change with a new baby
  
• Have your child help you pick out gifts for the baby
• Make sure to spend quality one on one time with your toddler helping her understand how things will change once baby is born
• You can tell your preschool age child that you are going to have a baby by sharing the preparation activities and also showing her your growing belly
• If your toddler will be transitioning out of her crib and giving it to the new baby make sure to do this a few months before the birth so the adjustment of losing her crib is not such a huge deal   
  

After Baby is Born

• When baby is born have your toddler come in to spend time with you first before she's introduced to the new baby
• Use the baby's name so that the toddler knows the baby is a person rather than "the baby"
• Encourage your toddler to touch the baby and show her how to do so in a gentle manner
• Make sure to continue your toddler's regular schedule once you come home with baby (ask for help from family members to assist you)
• It is important to maintain the same rules and discipline even after the new baby arrives so your toddler has consistency 
• Include your toddler in usual routines for the baby such as diaper changing, feeding time or bathing   
  
• Each parent should make quality one on one time with the toddler so she still feels that she has your love and attention
  
• Have your toddler become your little helper by asking her to get a diaper for the baby or find the baby's toy
• If your child is older it will be easier for her to adjust to a newborn sibling because they can understand what is happening and be actively involved. 
• You should encourage involvement in helping with the new baby but not force it.  Offer to your older child that she can attend an infant CPR or child safety course designed for children who will become a new big brother or sister.  If your child feels like she has the skills and confidence to help care for her newborn sibling it will make it an easier transition on all of you.

Resources:

Keys to Preparing and Caring for Your Second Child by Meg Zweiback

Siblings Without Rivalry by Faber & Mazlich

Feedback from a parent on reading both books - "The latter has tips which will be more useful long past the day that baby #2 arrives, whereas the first book deals more with psychological and practical preparations for the family's newcomer, with an emphasis on the early days. Both are gems."

 

Two Mamas Fight to be Green & Lean

We did it with frost bitten toes and fingers!  Last Sunday morning was Portland's 5k Shamrock run and we crossed the finish line with flying colors (ok, truth being we had a hell of a time jogging what was a slight incline (it really felt like a killer hill) at the 1.5 mile mark).  It was a bit crazy starting our day at 5:30 am, getting our babies bundled up with parents in tow (we freezed our bunz off).  We took the Max train which is our local light rail public transportation downtown so we didn't have to worry about parking.  There was a record 14,000 people celebrating the Shamrock Run's 30th anniversary at the race participating in events like the children's 1k to a 15k run.  People dressed with green fedoras, green/white striped Dr. Seuss hats, four leaf clover tights and apple green tutus filled the waterfront park area where the event kicked off.  The cool thing about this event is that a portion of the net proceeds from the 2008 adidas Shamrock Run benefits Doernbecher Children's Hospital Foundation.  So, not only did we burn some calories but Itsabelly is helping a great cause!

This was my second 5k run/jog and I finished it in 36.25 minutes.  Still boasting a S-L-O-W 12 minute mile and proud :)  Moe (my sis-in-law) was right behind me, yahoo!  I'm very proud to have been her partner in this race especially because she just gave birth to her first baby 3 months ago!  Now, isn't that something to high-five about!  Right on!!  And our hubbies and babies they completed their 3.5 mile walk so high-fives all around (dads survived all of the melt downs & feedings without us, that's the real accomplishment).

I truly believe in setting goals and striving to accomplish them. This helps keep me accountable and focused on the end result.  Signing up to do the last two 5k runs has totally helped me to stay fit and lose most of that dreaded baby weight. 

So, if you haven't gotten up off your behind yet and signed up for a fitness goal do it now!  Stay tuned as I sign up for my next race...anyone want to join me?!  Share with us here what your next fitness goal will be.  If you enter a comment you may be the lucky winner of an organic Earth Mama Angel Baby Gift Basket or an iPod Shuffle.  Don't miss out!

Mother Earth Greets, a Mom Owned Business that Knows How to Celebrate Motherhood

I received some beautiful eco-friendly greeting cards designed by Jenae Hester.  She is the founder of Mother Earth Greets, mama to Deja, and card designer extraordinare.  All of the cards are printed on 100% post consumer paper and a portion of each sale is donated to The Conservation Fund, thus preserving our Mother Earth.

From first glance, the pictures she chooses captivate moments in a mom's everyday life.  From mountain peaks with the sunrise behind them or a deep, red rose with dew drops, the pictures are really worth a thousand words.   My favorite card has a quote on the front stating "the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world".  When you flip the card open it says "Don't ever think of yourself as just a stay-at-home Mom.  Molding a human being is the single most important work in the world!"  Right on!!  As mothers who work very hard to raise responsible and kind adults don't we all believe that?

The sentiment on her cards really evoke a message that point out how motherhood can be the most challenging job you could ever have but also the most critical. 

Kudos to Jenae for creating a beautiful line of eco-friendly greeting cards, protecting our earth and celebrating moms everywhere!  Check out Mother Earth Greets and why not send a special greeting card to a mom you know needs support.

Momnesia - Tips on How to Cope with The Dreaded Mommy Brain

Have you ever forgotten where you put your keys last?  Or went to the grocery store and left that list on the kitchen counter?  How about not packing extra baby clothes in your diaper bag incase your newborn soaked through his diaper?

I'm sure all of us have experienced some form of the dreaded mommy brain or what researchers now call "Momnesia".  I chuckled at the segment this morning on the Today Show because more often than not I have experienced a total brain lapse.  I remember being pregnant and my mommy brain already kicking itself into gear then.  My husband would say "I want my wife back" because sometimes I would start a sentence and mid-way not even remember why I was bringing the subject up in the first place (sigh).

On msnnbc.com the article "Post-partum Changes May Bring on Momnesia", Brizendene, the author of the book, “The Female Brain" states that the condition is brought on by the wildly fluctuating flood of hormones that accompany pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding. It alters brain chemistry.  All these hormones are in a stew in the brain that are changing the way a mother focuses.”

Ah, finally a somewhat scientific way to explain our brain lapses, "momnesia".  I wanted to share some of the tips Hannah Keely, totalmom.com's founder and author of The Total Mom Makeover says will help combat your momnesia:

1. Bring a Pen & Small Notebook w/ You - have these handy so you can always write things down
2. Scale Back - do less
3. Exercise -cardiovascular exercise actually improves attention to things

So, what are the things you do to avoid your momnesia?  Share them with us by commenting on this post. 

BTW, if you comment you'll be automatically entered into Itsabelly's iPod Shuffle Giveaway.  Winner will be announced in April!

Imagine Having Eight Kids Where Six Are Sextuplets at the Age of Three!

I just had to blog about this after watching the Oprah Show (yes, I'm an admitted Oprah fan).  She interviewed the family of Jon and Kate Gosselin who are the parents of twins and sextuplets!  Their story just struck a chord with me today. Kate was being interviewed about how she handles taking care of EIGHT children.  She said she spends most of her time cooking healthy, organic meals for her family of 10. "My day is make a meal, serve a meal, clean up a meal, clean up everything, wipe this one, change that one, deal with this one," she says. On average, she runs the dishwasher two or three times a day. 

She doesn't give them any food options, what they see is what they eat or they don't eat.  She is not a short order cook, she is not a buffet - if they don't like it, too bad!  Personally, this is the motto I live by when cooking for my family.  She also said she lives for the present and just prays before her day starts that she has enough strength to get through the day.  She doesn't worry about tomorrow (how could she with EIGHT KIDS).  Kate also said after a bad day, they try to go to sleep knowing tomorrow is a fresh start. "We just really want our kids to grow up productive members of society," Kate says. "And be the best whoever they are that they can be."  I echo this same sentiment as a parent!

While watching the show I was truly in awe of how this mom and dad are able to handle all of the work that goes into caring for their large family not to mention making ends meet financially.  It puts me to shame when I complain about not having time for myself, going nuts when Isabella throws a fit over not wanting to eat her food or not having time to fold the two mile high pile of laundry on my bed but I guess it's all relative, right?

Kudos to Kate and her husband for surviving and just living.  All in all, when in comes down to it, what matters is that you have each other because when every material thing is stripped from you, what you'll have left is the bare essentials, your loved ones.  In this family's case there is a presence of abundant love to go around!  Hopefully, this post will keep things in perspective for you when things get really challenging at home and you're about to pull your hair out because you just don't have enough time to get that one last thing checked off your to-do list!  Don't worry it will be waiting for you tomorrow with open arms :)

The Feeling of Alone...

I told my husband I wanted to take some time to be "alone" this afternoon.  He looked at me surprised.  I proceeded to tell him I wanted some alone time and needed him to take care of Isabella for the afternoon.  It was spur of the moment but I didn't care.  I basically wanted to get in my car without having to be worried about my baby in the backseat needing her sippy cup or a snack.  I wanted to go shopping without having to push Isabella in the cart and worry that she would suddenly scream out for no obvious reason.  I just wanted all the noise around me to be gone so I could be alone in my head.

So, I left from 12:30-4:00 pm and went to Target (every mom's favorite place to "hang out" and buy that cotton v-neck tshirt for 8.99 or kitchen gadget that you don't need), then I spent a whole HOUR at Starbucks with my tall, skinny mocha (they now have sugar free mocha syrup, yahoo!) and book in hand, then off to Trader Joe's to get groceries for dinner!  Ah, it was SO NICE to be ALONE.  I loved every minute!!  It felt so freeing to be in my head alone...to be in my car alone.  I never thought that being a mom would make me crave wanting to be in Target alone, sheez!  As if Target was my salvation, too funny.  I know there's a mom out there reading this who knows exactly what I mean (feel free to comment on my blog if you're one of those women).

I wrote this post because I believe that we as women need our "alone time" to rejuvenate, re-energize and re-focus because we do so much for everyone else that we often forget about ourselves or we always come last.  So, give yourself that time you need to re-fuel so you can be the best mom, wife and friend that you can be.  It's ok to ask for extra help from your hubby and believe me I'm going to keep asking.  Because at the end of the day, I came home with a smile on my face, ready to play another round of blocks with my baby and ready to whip up another meal!

How to Build a Strong Dad & Baby Bond

With a newborn it's perfectly natural to see that mom and baby are attached at the hip due to regular feedings and diaper changes every few hours.  Baby was in mommy's tummy for 9 months so their bond is sealed from day one!  It's easy for dad to feel left out during the pregnancy and newborn phase.  So, how does dad get involved and bond with baby too?

Here are some easy tips for dad so that bonding with baby starts early:

• If combo feeding, dad can feed baby a bottle or have him help with burping
• Develop a schedule where dad takes the night or weekend shift to take care of baby
• Have dad do some diaper changing - talking to baby and making eye contact during this time is a good way to bond
  
• Give dad his alone time with baby to develop his own method of bonding while also giving mom a break
• Allow dad to develop his own bonding ritual (dad can take baby for walks, sing to baby or go for soothing car rides)
• Dad can read a bedtime story to baby and put her to sleep for the evening
• Dad can be involved with helping bathe baby
• Dad can use a baby sling and hold her close during an easy hike for some exercise
• Don't hover over dad when he's taking care of baby - give him some space
• Try not to just hand a crying baby over to dad after he gets home from a long day at work - give him a little time to un-wind

I have a confession...

I have a confession...it's 4:30 pm and I just took a shower.  I actually changed out of my PJ's after being in them ALL DAY LONG.  In the back of my mind I felt like I was being lazy but then I thought about it and said hey, I've been taking care of my baby ALL DAY LONG, that's a full-time job in itself.  So, I decided at that moment that I would quit trying to be perfect.  And by perfect what I mean is trying to be 100% present in everything I do which is totally impossible!

Every day I'm trying to juggle taking care of my child, taking care of my household, taking care of my husband, taking care of myself (can't forget about our two doggies, 70 lb yellow labs either)...oh, and taking care of my other baby, Itsabelly!  I know moms out there reading this totally get where I'm coming from on this topic.

You know in the end I realized I gave myself a really well-deserved break today.  I turned everything else OFF and lounged in my PJ's still doing my primary job as a full-time stay-at-home mom and cared for my child.  I actually was 100% present with her today (ok, maybe 95% present...I did play with my laptop and cleaned the kitchen).  Being present for Isabella allowed me to really have fun playing with her.  We enjoyed a tickle fest, chasing each other around the house and my favorite part was just seeing her giggle - pure joy.  I could feel the immense love and bond between us very clearly today (sappy I know but true).  Being present really helped tone down the noise (my to-do lists, the next biz idea etc) that usually fills my head.  Overall, it felt terrific and it was a great day well spent with Isabella in my comfy PJ's.

So, the take away from my entry today is make sure to carve out some time and "be present" in whatever you do especially with your kids and family because they come first!  Remember that when you leave this earth no one will remember that you were a successful CEO or that you kept the house immaculate but they will remember the quality times they spent with you.  Oh, and they may remember that homemade cake with the yummy homemade chocolate frosting you made!  I think I'll make sure my taste buds are present and enjoy that piece of Ghiradelli chocolate now :)

A Healthy Home for Baby & Family (download your free guide)

 

Heidi Murkoff, author of What to Expect When You're Expecting with Sharon Mazel has written a great guide titled "What to Expect Guide to a Healthy Home".  It's filled with easy tips to keep your house clean and free of germs.  What a perfect time to start thinking about how to keep germs and bacteria away!

In a season where the cold, flu and sniffles from little noses are rampant this guide gave me some practical ways to make sure I keep my family healthy.  Some of the tips that stood out for me were:

• Sponges and washrags in your kitchen are prone to bacteria so wash them in the dishwasher every night or place them in the microwave for 30 seconds to nuke the germs.  Better yet throw them out every month & replace.
• For baby's bottle and pacifiers you don't need to buy special machinery to sterilize them.  Use the dishwasher or boil them in hot water.
• For your children's stuffed animals you can put them in a ziplock bag and freeze them overnight to kill germs.  Or you can throw washable toys in the washer with hot water & soap every week.
• Wash your hands with soap and water as often as you can - this is the #1 way to stop from spreading the germs and viruses.  "Research shows that simple washing can reduce the number of infections in children under the age of five by more than 50 percent!"
• Bleach and water solution is a great way to disinfect your bathroom and any part of your house.
• When looking for a daycare center ask them how often the kids wash their hands, how often the toys are cleaned, how often the bathroom is cleaned and how many kids are in the daycare at one time.

I found everything in this guide to be really helpful and also reminded me of things I should be doing on a regular basis to keep my family out of the doctor's office.

Heidi's guide is a perfect resource to keep at your finger tips.  Click on this link to download your free copy  What to Expect Guide to a Healthy Home

New Moms Rock!

Recently I visited my best friend's home in California to help her with her newborn son who was only 3 weeks old.  It was pure joy to see their family so happy.  Granted it was a tired household but as can be expected very normal for the transition they are going through.

I was able make an all time record in my bestfriend's kitchen.  Cooking a total of 5 different dishes and freezing them for her family to eat in the next few weeks.  I think I started at 5:00 pm and washed the last pan around 10:00 pm!  I was very tired but also felt like I met a huge accomplishment while at the same time knowing it was to help a special family with a new baby ease into their new life.  My girlfriend did the same for me when I had Isabella and I appreciated every thing she did!

Being a new mom or if you're a seasoned mom I'm sure you can appreciate what I'm talking about!  My girlfriend had the same questions for me that I had as a first time mom.  One of them was how much milk do I feed my baby and how do I know he's getting enough milk when I nurse?  Luckily, I had my info sheet from the lactation consultant and I could share the average ounces of milk that a baby needs per their weight.  Now, we all know babies are all different when it comes to sleeping and eating habits so mind you this was just a guide.

At any rate, here's to all of the new moms out there...going through all of the challenging but wonderful moments with your first child sleep deprivation and all - you ROCK!  And remember the best gift you can give a new parent is not always a "material" gift but the gift of time.....offer to cook a meal, help with the laundry or vacuum their house.  I promise you they will thank you forever!